Wu's burns were awful before she got involved: bad enough to send guilt and regret sweeping through Mako all at once. He hovers uselessly through the whole process, tries to keep himself busy by getting cool water and cloths and bandages to wrap around Wu after she's done.
He sends her away with sweets in thanks for all of it and then ends up back by Wu's bed with bandages in hand, keeping his eyes down while he wraps them slowly around Wu's chest. ]
I'm sorry. That this happened. I should have been watching.
[ Wu was specifically trying not to pay attention. It was easier when they weren't alone, but now that it's just Wu and Mako in Wu's bed, with Mako's hands methodically bandaging Wu's back.
But then the words hit him. ]
That, no, Mako. That wasn't your fault. You were taking care of all of that fire.
[ Mako's frowning at the bandages as he wraps them, careful and slow, focusing on that instead of the extent of Wu's injuries as he skims a hand along Wu's ribs, keeping him steady while he works.
He does not notice, he tells himself, the rise of fall of Wu's breath or the curve of his bare shoulder, the bumps of his spine. Even if he can't get the image out of his head of Wu, small and sure, standing in front of that massive dog. The bravery and the determined set of his jaw. ]
I don't know if anything we did for those people... changed anything, but I could have stopped this.
Mako. [ Wu glances back at him with a small frown. After a moment's hesitation, he reaches out a hand, dropping it to Mako's knee. ] I'm not your responsibility here. We've had this conversation.
Maybe it didn't help, but in that moment-- I couldn't let that child die.
[ Mako makes a tiny, frustrated sound, glancing away. Wu's hand on his knee is like a brand. He's entirely too aware of the warmth of his palm. ]
It's not a responsibility thing. It's that I could have stopped that. You got burned, Wu. That's... one of the things I could've prevented the most, and I didn't. I'm not saying you shouldn't have helped that kid, but.
[ Wu turns to look at him now, his eyes flicking over Mako's face.
He's so close. The air is hot between them.
Wu drops his eyes to somewhere on Mako's chest. He's in one of those sweaters he bought from the thrift shop. It's too big for him, but it looks good, somehow. Or, perhaps, that's because Wu thinks he looks good in just about anything.
He makes himself look back up at Mako, taking a breath that makes the burn stretch painfully. ]
It exploded. We didn't know it would happen. It's not your fault.
[ Mako says it before he's quite aware of it, the words low and rough. His eyes are aimed at Wu's collarbone, bare, half-wrapped in bandages, but after a moment with some awful curdle of guilt in his belly he looks up, meets Wu's eyes. ]
Especially because I promised I'd keep that from happening.
The expression on Mako's face tears into his heart. It's raw and vulnerable and Wu feels for him.
He's sure his own eyes are giving himself away. It's difficult, this place he's in, where he's aware of what he feels for Mako, but he can't say it, can't articulate it, can't put it into the world. But he also is terrible at hiding his emotions. He knows that. It's gotten him into trouble his whole life, with his great-aunt, with Mako, before, with his advisors now.
The worlds press at his tongue, but he can't say them. Instead, he takes a deep, harsh breath ]
I don't blame you, Mako. I choose to do that. I, [ He's not totally sure what to say, caught in Mako's gaze ]
In the green of his eyes, in the look on his face, open and full of feeling Mako doesn't have the words to name. Something about it catches hard at Mako's breath, freezes it there in his lungs for a moment so that there's only Wu, and the rise of fall of his breath under Mako's hand still braced on him, and Wu's hand still on his knee, warm and solid.
Mako holds his gaze until he can't anymore, until it seems too much like Wu is looking right into him. He feels oddly exposed despite the heavy sweater and the warmth in the room, flushes strangely with it.
Bandages. Right. He has to tie them off. Mako is suddenly very glad for the task to keep his hands busy. ]
It was brave. Really brave, Wu. Saving that kid and... everything else, really.
[ Warmth curls in his gut, and he can't help a small smile on his face.
Mako thinks he's brave. He didn't think he would ever hear those words from Mako's mouth. His face flushes, and he looks away, breath caught in his throat. ]
Thank you. [ It comes out small, but they don't need anything more than that. It's just the two of them, sitting so close on Wu's giant bed. ] I, I was terrified.
[ Some of the odd tension in his chest breaks a bit as Mako ties off the last of the bandages, fastening them as best he can. It's not nearly as good as Kya would have done, but it'll work for now to keep air off the burns, let them heal the rest of the way. ]
I was terrifed in the mech. Thought for sure I was going to die. You did it anyway, and it worked.
[ Wu swallows. As soon as Mako is done with the bandages, he pushes himself up, just to get a little space, a little air between them. He goes to his sadly empty wardrobe, and takes out a T-shirt he bought at the thrift store, as painful as that was. He pulls it on, making a small noise when the tight skin of his burns pull ]
You were scared? [ He looks back at Mako, hovering there in the middle of his room ] I, you thought you were going to die, and you did it anyway?
[ Mako looks away as he pulls the T-shirt on, even though he's been looking at Wu bare-chested this whole time. It just feels different now that he's getting dressed. More intimate, like something Mako shouldn't be seeing. He busies himself with cleaning up the unused bandages instead, winding them back into neat rolls as he folds his legs underneath himself.
He only looks back up when Wu speaks. ]
I was kind of surprised when I woke up afterwards.
[ And he's kind of surprised now that he said that, because that's not something Mako's actually said aloud before. ]
[ Wu watches him, emotions warring in his chest. He's furious, that Mako would do that to him, but also proud, that Mako would do that, for his city, for his friends and his country. More feelings press at his throat and he takes a shaking breath before saying, carefully: ]
Mako's lips part silently. He can't pull anything coherent from his head and put it into actual words, so he just watches Wu for a long, quiet moment and then closes his mouth again, shaking his head. The bandages are in neat piles around him, rolled up perfectly, and Wu's t-shirt hides the ones wrapped around him.
He almost looks normal, but Mako knows the burns are there. The knowledge stings, no matter what Wu says: he should have protected Wu better. He should have been watching.
It stings more to know that he won't be able to keep more of the same from happening in the future, but Mako is going to try as hard as he can.
Finally, he shifts back on the bed, waving a hand for Wu to come sit. ]
I guess I get it. I'd be pretty mad if you died and you could've done something about it.
[ After a slight hesitation, Wu drops down next to him, trying to breathe through his discomfort. Be normal he tells himself. It isn't often he gets Mako to talk about anything real, anything deeper than the surface. He wants that, even as friends. He wants to be a person who can be there for Mako. ]
I can give you my whole-hearted word that I won't put myself in that kind of danger if I can help it. I don't actually enjoy being hurt or maimed or whatever else it is that this place has in store for me.
[ He pauses, just for a moment. ]
I think I know why you did it. But, I would have missed you. Korra, Bolin, Asami, the Chief, Tenzin and his family, they would have missed you too.
[ It's easier to talk about this with Wu close, for some reason. Mako shifts just enough to make room for him, his knee nudging into Wu's thigh as he does. The contact makes him pause, awareness curling warmly through him, but he stays there with that tiny bit of touching, looking at Wu. ]
That was kind of the point. Same thing with you and that kid, right? You had to protect him. Didn't matter about you, in the moment.
[ He shifts a little closer still, frowning at the memory, still too fresh, of Wu's voice afterwards, the pained haze on his face. Mako never wants to see him like that again. He's going to have to, probably. ]
Would you have regretted it? If you'd died protecting him?
Yes. [ Wu says immediately, then grimaces, looking up at Mako. He's so close, his voice so soft.
He should probably lie, but he doesn't want to lie to Mako. And Diamund said to be honest, to be fully himself. This is fully himself: selfish, self-serving, cowardly. He's not proud of it, but it is true. ]
I would have regretted it. I don't want to die. And, like you said, they might not have even been real. If I died protecting one child who wasn't even real...
[ Even that's not fully true. He drops his gaze, staring at his hands on his thighs. ]
[ Carefully, while Wu is talking, Mako reaches out to settle a hand on Wu's knee—unburnt, unlikely to hurt, close—and squeezes, his face set and serious as he listens. Their fingers aren't very far apart like this. His own curl into the fabric of Wu's pants and stay there. ]
Yeah. I'd probably regret it, too.
[ There's an honesty in his own voice, soft and rough, that matches the tone in Wu's. Mako is brimming, full of feeling sweeping over him. It's hard and soft at once: sharp-edged, warm, strange.
He wants Wu to know he isn't alone. ]
If it was me or if it was you. I—seeing you at that... weird funeral, Wu, that was—I don't. I couldn't... even help you. That much. It was awful.
[ Wu's breath hitches, staring down at Mako's hand. His heart leaps into his throat, face hot.
At least his words are a distraction, if not one Wu particularly wants to talk about. He's thought about the funeral, but had tried to push it to the back of his mind for the most part. It was awful, painful, he said too much.
But of course Mako remembers. ]
It was awful. [ His voice is tense, tight, shoulders hunching in. He opens his mouth to say something else, but nothing comes to mind. ]
[ Mako's voice is quiet, not pushing. He remembers Wu's words after he died: supportive and soft, exactly what he needed to hear. He wants to do the same for Wu, offer that same support that at the time Mako hadn't even known he'd needed.
He flattens his palm over Wu's knee, his thumb rubbing in small circles he isn't quite aware of. ]
But you said it helps you to do that. So. I'm here, if you do.
[ Wu glances up at him, his expression soft, vulnerable. He feels like Mako can see right through him.
He's too aware of Mako's touch, of Mako next to him. He wants to press in close, to feel Mako's arms around him, but he can't. He can't abuse their friendship like that, no matter how much he wants to. ]
For once, I don't really know what to say. It, it wasn't real. I didn't die. So those fears, those regrets, they were unfounded. I have time to fix the things I did. I'm going to keep working to do that.
[ Except that that hand is driving Wu crazy. He almost wants to move, but Mako is touching him and he can't. He's frozen under his touch, too aware, too focused on it. ]
I, I'm trying. I want to be better.
[ He takes a breath, looking up at Mako again. ]
I do regret it, how I acted before. Not doing anything with Kuvira was taking over. But I think I can repair that damage. If not all, then most of it.
[ Chloe's words echo briefly through Mako's head as he nudges, very gently, at Wu's shoulder. ]
You're doing it. I—
[ Even though he's trying to talk more, even though it's important to get this out, it's still hard to say, still. Even though he's said something like it before. ]
I'd hope it's all people can ask, because it's all I can do, too. Try to be better.
[ Mako watches him quietly for a moment, noting the odd tension in his shoulders, the shortness of his breath. The look on Wu's face. ]
And, for what it's worth, I think you can repair it, too.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
--> in person, a bit later
Wu's burns were awful before she got involved: bad enough to send guilt and regret sweeping through Mako all at once. He hovers uselessly through the whole process, tries to keep himself busy by getting cool water and cloths and bandages to wrap around Wu after she's done.
He sends her away with sweets in thanks for all of it and then ends up back by Wu's bed with bandages in hand, keeping his eyes down while he wraps them slowly around Wu's chest. ]
I'm sorry. That this happened. I should have been watching.
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[ Wu was specifically trying not to pay attention. It was easier when they weren't alone, but now that it's just Wu and Mako in Wu's bed, with Mako's hands methodically bandaging Wu's back.
But then the words hit him. ]
That, no, Mako. That wasn't your fault. You were taking care of all of that fire.
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[ Mako's frowning at the bandages as he wraps them, careful and slow, focusing on that instead of the extent of Wu's injuries as he skims a hand along Wu's ribs, keeping him steady while he works.
He does not notice, he tells himself, the rise of fall of Wu's breath or the curve of his bare shoulder, the bumps of his spine. Even if he can't get the image out of his head of Wu, small and sure, standing in front of that massive dog. The bravery and the determined set of his jaw. ]
I don't know if anything we did for those people... changed anything, but I could have stopped this.
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Maybe it didn't help, but in that moment-- I couldn't let that child die.
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[ Mako makes a tiny, frustrated sound, glancing away. Wu's hand on his knee is like a brand. He's entirely too aware of the warmth of his palm. ]
It's not a responsibility thing. It's that I could have stopped that. You got burned, Wu. That's... one of the things I could've prevented the most, and I didn't. I'm not saying you shouldn't have helped that kid, but.
no subject
He's so close. The air is hot between them.
Wu drops his eyes to somewhere on Mako's chest. He's in one of those sweaters he bought from the thrift shop. It's too big for him, but it looks good, somehow. Or, perhaps, that's because Wu thinks he looks good in just about anything.
He makes himself look back up at Mako, taking a breath that makes the burn stretch painfully. ]
It exploded. We didn't know it would happen. It's not your fault.
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[ Mako says it before he's quite aware of it, the words low and rough. His eyes are aimed at Wu's collarbone, bare, half-wrapped in bandages, but after a moment with some awful curdle of guilt in his belly he looks up, meets Wu's eyes. ]
Especially because I promised I'd keep that from happening.
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The expression on Mako's face tears into his heart. It's raw and vulnerable and Wu feels for him.
He's sure his own eyes are giving himself away. It's difficult, this place he's in, where he's aware of what he feels for Mako, but he can't say it, can't articulate it, can't put it into the world. But he also is terrible at hiding his emotions. He knows that. It's gotten him into trouble his whole life, with his great-aunt, with Mako, before, with his advisors now.
The worlds press at his tongue, but he can't say them. Instead, he takes a deep, harsh breath ]
I don't blame you, Mako. I choose to do that. I, [ He's not totally sure what to say, caught in Mako's gaze ]
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In the green of his eyes, in the look on his face, open and full of feeling Mako doesn't have the words to name. Something about it catches hard at Mako's breath, freezes it there in his lungs for a moment so that there's only Wu, and the rise of fall of his breath under Mako's hand still braced on him, and Wu's hand still on his knee, warm and solid.
Mako holds his gaze until he can't anymore, until it seems too much like Wu is looking right into him. He feels oddly exposed despite the heavy sweater and the warmth in the room, flushes strangely with it.
Bandages. Right. He has to tie them off. Mako is suddenly very glad for the task to keep his hands busy. ]
It was brave. Really brave, Wu. Saving that kid and... everything else, really.
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Mako thinks he's brave. He didn't think he would ever hear those words from Mako's mouth. His face flushes, and he looks away, breath caught in his throat. ]
Thank you. [ It comes out small, but they don't need anything more than that. It's just the two of them, sitting so close on Wu's giant bed. ] I, I was terrified.
no subject
[ Some of the odd tension in his chest breaks a bit as Mako ties off the last of the bandages, fastening them as best he can. It's not nearly as good as Kya would have done, but it'll work for now to keep air off the burns, let them heal the rest of the way. ]
I was terrifed in the mech. Thought for sure I was going to die. You did it anyway, and it worked.
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You were scared? [ He looks back at Mako, hovering there in the middle of his room ] I, you thought you were going to die, and you did it anyway?
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He only looks back up when Wu speaks. ]
I was kind of surprised when I woke up afterwards.
[ And he's kind of surprised now that he said that, because that's not something Mako's actually said aloud before. ]
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I wouldn't have forgiven you. If you hadn't.
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Mako's lips part silently. He can't pull anything coherent from his head and put it into actual words, so he just watches Wu for a long, quiet moment and then closes his mouth again, shaking his head. The bandages are in neat piles around him, rolled up perfectly, and Wu's t-shirt hides the ones wrapped around him.
He almost looks normal, but Mako knows the burns are there. The knowledge stings, no matter what Wu says: he should have protected Wu better. He should have been watching.
It stings more to know that he won't be able to keep more of the same from happening in the future, but Mako is going to try as hard as he can.
Finally, he shifts back on the bed, waving a hand for Wu to come sit. ]
I guess I get it. I'd be pretty mad if you died and you could've done something about it.
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I can give you my whole-hearted word that I won't put myself in that kind of danger if I can help it. I don't actually enjoy being hurt or maimed or whatever else it is that this place has in store for me.
[ He pauses, just for a moment. ]
I think I know why you did it. But, I would have missed you. Korra, Bolin, Asami, the Chief, Tenzin and his family, they would have missed you too.
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[ It's easier to talk about this with Wu close, for some reason. Mako shifts just enough to make room for him, his knee nudging into Wu's thigh as he does. The contact makes him pause, awareness curling warmly through him, but he stays there with that tiny bit of touching, looking at Wu. ]
That was kind of the point. Same thing with you and that kid, right? You had to protect him. Didn't matter about you, in the moment.
[ He shifts a little closer still, frowning at the memory, still too fresh, of Wu's voice afterwards, the pained haze on his face. Mako never wants to see him like that again. He's going to have to, probably. ]
Would you have regretted it? If you'd died protecting him?
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He should probably lie, but he doesn't want to lie to Mako. And Diamund said to be honest, to be fully himself. This is fully himself: selfish, self-serving, cowardly. He's not proud of it, but it is true. ]
I would have regretted it. I don't want to die. And, like you said, they might not have even been real. If I died protecting one child who wasn't even real...
[ Even that's not fully true. He drops his gaze, staring at his hands on his thighs. ]
Even if he was real, I probably would regret it.
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Yeah. I'd probably regret it, too.
[ There's an honesty in his own voice, soft and rough, that matches the tone in Wu's. Mako is brimming, full of feeling sweeping over him. It's hard and soft at once: sharp-edged, warm, strange.
He wants Wu to know he isn't alone. ]
If it was me or if it was you. I—seeing you at that... weird funeral, Wu, that was—I don't. I couldn't... even help you. That much. It was awful.
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At least his words are a distraction, if not one Wu particularly wants to talk about. He's thought about the funeral, but had tried to push it to the back of his mind for the most part. It was awful, painful, he said too much.
But of course Mako remembers. ]
It was awful. [ His voice is tense, tight, shoulders hunching in. He opens his mouth to say something else, but nothing comes to mind. ]
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[ Mako's voice is quiet, not pushing. He remembers Wu's words after he died: supportive and soft, exactly what he needed to hear. He wants to do the same for Wu, offer that same support that at the time Mako hadn't even known he'd needed.
He flattens his palm over Wu's knee, his thumb rubbing in small circles he isn't quite aware of. ]
But you said it helps you to do that. So. I'm here, if you do.
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He's too aware of Mako's touch, of Mako next to him. He wants to press in close, to feel Mako's arms around him, but he can't. He can't abuse their friendship like that, no matter how much he wants to. ]
For once, I don't really know what to say. It, it wasn't real. I didn't die. So those fears, those regrets, they were unfounded. I have time to fix the things I did. I'm going to keep working to do that.
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[ Mako really does have to get used to feeling helpless, he thinks.
Or get better at actually doing things. He remembers the feeling of his hand going through Wu, that awful cold, the terrible expression on his face.
At least now he can keep his hand there, feel Wu warm and solid and alive right now. That's something.
And for once, Mako can help in this way, he thinks. Kind of. He doesn't have Wu's way with words, but he knows Wu, at least. ]
They meant something. And you're already doing something with them.
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I, I'm trying. I want to be better.
[ He takes a breath, looking up at Mako again. ]
I do regret it, how I acted before. Not doing anything with Kuvira was taking over. But I think I can repair that damage. If not all, then most of it.
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You're doing it. I—
[ Even though he's trying to talk more, even though it's important to get this out, it's still hard to say, still. Even though he's said something like it before. ]
I'd hope it's all people can ask, because it's all I can do, too. Try to be better.
[ Mako watches him quietly for a moment, noting the odd tension in his shoulders, the shortness of his breath. The look on Wu's face. ]
And, for what it's worth, I think you can repair it, too.
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