Exactly. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I wasn't the only person he killed, either.
I've been the target before, and this was better, if deadlier. Well, maybe not "better" so to speak. It was less devastating because it wasn't about me, it wasn't because of who I am.
[ At least, that's what he likes to tell himself. ]
I HAD clued in to that, what with all the business with that rock snake.
...It's strange, you know. Everyone here has had nothing but generosity for me, even though I've done nothing to warrant it. I don't quite know what to think of it, sometimes.
Well, in the dream, it really felt like us Sleepers against the world. One of the first things I learned there is that Sleepers look out for each other. It isn't always true, but a lot of us really take it to heart. We've all had awful horrible things happen to us, that wasn't our fault at all. It's the fault of this place.
And you saved my from the snake! You didn't know me. You didn't have to. Are you sure you're not doing the same thing?
I'm not used to counting on the generosity of others. Loyalty's one thing, but not kindness. And as for why I saved you...I don't know, really. Because it's what that witcher would've wanted, maybe. Me, being better than I'd been.
The witcher, like the one that killed you? Why would you do something he would want you to do?
But you said you're a princess. When I was a prince, my whole life was at the generosity of others. [ That's sure one way to talk about tax money, boo ] It was because of my title, sure, but even so. I was protected because of it.
Mmhmm. That's what happens to princes who are valuable. Well-liked. And ones who don't have stepmothers with their own little princes and princesses who see you as standing in the way of their children's throne.
The world has never been kind to me, and more often than not I was unkind right back. I was always the only one looking out for my own survival, so...I was fine to leave others to look out for theirs. When everyone around you decides something about you, and treats you as though it's true...after a while, you stop wondering whether it's true or not, because it doesn't matter. You're being blamed for it whether you are it or not, so you might as well just embrace it. There comes a time when you just stop fighting it.
The man who killed me wanted me to give up the path my life was on, and start over, and be something better than what the world had made me. And I was tired of everyone else telling me what I was supposed to be, so I stayed what I had become, and he put me down.
Imagine how it felt to wash up here, surrounded by well-meaning people encouraging me to start over and be anything I wanted to be here in Trench. It felt like a horrible joke. Even dying hadn't gotten me out of the world making decisions for me.
...That was a lot, wasn't it. I shouldn't have rambled on, you needn't worry about it.
No, no, it's okay!!! That really helps me understand you better.
My life wasn't the same, not at all, but I understand the world making choices for you. I let it, for a long time. I didn't have a step-mother, but my guardian was my great-aunt, the Queen. She wasn't a nice lady, not in the slightest, and I was only "valuable" because she didn't have children of her own. She was an awful person (may she rest in peace), to me and to everyone else. But after she died, I wasn't exactly free, either. Poor Mako had to be my babysitter for years because no one knew what to do with me!
It's sort of the trick of Trench. You're given a new chance, but you don't get to choose if you want it or not. A lot of people don't. They would rather be back home, living the lives they had lived. But you aren't the only person I know here who died back home, who has a real second chance here. One of my best buddies, Chuck, he died back home, but here he has a nice farm with a very nice boyfriend, and they're happy here in a way they couldn't be back home.
What I'm saying is: You really can choose. And if you choose to be the same person you were at home, that's a valid choice you can make. But you can also use this new freedom to do something else. No one knows you here. No one but maybe me and whoever else you told this to, no one knows what you were. No one expects you to be anything, which is terrifying, but also so exciting.
I never wanted to be a king, and here I don't have to. I can run the Raccoon Room and be with Mako and play music and not get involved in any sort of politics unless I choose to. I wouldn't trade it for anything, even my own safety.
I think...in a way, I almost don't know how. Does that sound strange? For years and years I only ever wanted one thing, and now that I'm here I can't want it anymore. And it's like I've forgotten how to want anything else.
I don't have a Mako or a Chuck or even a Princess Fritter. So it's...it's just not easy. That doesn't mean I'm giving up. It's just that it's a harder prospect than people make it sound, sometimes.
How did you know what you wanted? Did you have to try a lot of things to figure it out, or did you just...know, somehow?
Well that sounds like an opportunity to me! Let's figure out what else you could want!!! And how you could want stuff again!!!!!
I didn't have them, either, before I was here. Well, I sort of had Mako, but not in the same way. And you have me!!! I'm not going to let you give up.
I tried a bunch of stuff. Back home I wanted to be a pop star! But I don't think I really wanted that. In Deerington, I tried to improve the town but boy people didn't want that. So I tried to make a safehouse for people. That went over pretty well, but it wasn't really, you know, my thing. I tried to figure out how to make a government for us Sleepers to keep us all aligned and safe, and that... was a bad idea, too!
Then when I got here, Fritter helped me find the Raccoon Room, and then I did just kind of know. But I don't think that would have happened without everything else.
I think trying things is great! Then you know what you like and what you don't like. And now, you can try bartending and see how that treats you!
[I want the person I hate most to be dead, she types, and then deletes it, and then half-types it again, and then deletes it all again. It's true, but that's not particularly conducive to trying, now, is it.]
I like...animals, I think. I used to have a horse when I was a girl. And I'm used to sheep.
[...]
I sent you that riddle because I'm in the Archives trying to study to be a witch. And I got sick of studying, so I found the riddle book instead. So...I could try to be a witch, I suppose.
I do like bartending, I know that much. It's fun. And it's nice to have the right skills to be good at something.
You are excellent at bartending! You're like a dolphin fish to water!!
A witch is a great idea! Can you do magic? Boy I wish I could do magic. If I could do magic I would want to be some kind of witch or magician or something!
You know my buddies Chuck and Raleigh have a farm. All sorts of animals! Mostly chickens. If you want some animal buddies you could go out there! My favorite one is Badger. She's perfect and I love her.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I've been the target before, and this was better, if deadlier. Well, maybe not "better" so to speak. It was less devastating because it wasn't about me, it wasn't because of who I am.
[ At least, that's what he likes to tell himself. ]
no subject
Mako's not the only one you can run to now. You do know that?
no subject
I can't exactly return the favor, but if you need anything else, you know you can ask me. You know, more than just a job.
no subject
...It's strange, you know. Everyone here has had nothing but generosity for me, even though I've done nothing to warrant it. I don't quite know what to think of it, sometimes.
no subject
Well, in the dream, it really felt like us Sleepers against the world. One of the first things I learned there is that Sleepers look out for each other. It isn't always true, but a lot of us really take it to heart. We've all had awful horrible things happen to us, that wasn't our fault at all. It's the fault of this place.
And you saved my from the snake! You didn't know me. You didn't have to. Are you sure you're not doing the same thing?
no subject
[How dare he be so easy to like.]
I'm not used to counting on the generosity of others. Loyalty's one thing, but not kindness. And as for why I saved you...I don't know, really. Because it's what that witcher would've wanted, maybe. Me, being better than I'd been.
no subject
Why would you do something he would want you to do?
But you said you're a princess. When I was a prince, my whole life was at the generosity of others. [ That's sure one way to talk about tax money, boo ] It was because of my title, sure, but even so. I was protected because of it.
no subject
The world has never been kind to me, and more often than not I was unkind right back. I was always the only one looking out for my own survival, so...I was fine to leave others to look out for theirs. When everyone around you decides something about you, and treats you as though it's true...after a while, you stop wondering whether it's true or not, because it doesn't matter. You're being blamed for it whether you are it or not, so you might as well just embrace it. There comes a time when you just stop fighting it.
The man who killed me wanted me to give up the path my life was on, and start over, and be something better than what the world had made me. And I was tired of everyone else telling me what I was supposed to be, so I stayed what I had become, and he put me down.
Imagine how it felt to wash up here, surrounded by well-meaning people encouraging me to start over and be anything I wanted to be here in Trench. It felt like a horrible joke. Even dying hadn't gotten me out of the world making decisions for me.
...That was a lot, wasn't it. I shouldn't have rambled on, you needn't worry about it.
no subject
My life wasn't the same, not at all, but I understand the world making choices for you. I let it, for a long time. I didn't have a step-mother, but my guardian was my great-aunt, the Queen. She wasn't a nice lady, not in the slightest, and I was only "valuable" because she didn't have children of her own. She was an awful person (may she rest in peace), to me and to everyone else. But after she died, I wasn't exactly free, either. Poor Mako had to be my babysitter for years because no one knew what to do with me!
It's sort of the trick of Trench. You're given a new chance, but you don't get to choose if you want it or not. A lot of people don't. They would rather be back home, living the lives they had lived. But you aren't the only person I know here who died back home, who has a real second chance here. One of my best buddies, Chuck, he died back home, but here he has a nice farm with a very nice boyfriend, and they're happy here in a way they couldn't be back home.
What I'm saying is: You really can choose. And if you choose to be the same person you were at home, that's a valid choice you can make. But you can also use this new freedom to do something else. No one knows you here. No one but maybe me and whoever else you told this to, no one knows what you were. No one expects you to be anything, which is terrifying, but also so exciting.
I never wanted to be a king, and here I don't have to. I can run the Raccoon Room and be with Mako and play music and not get involved in any sort of politics unless I choose to. I wouldn't trade it for anything, even my own safety.
I'm excited to see what you choose.
no subject
I don't have a Mako or a Chuck or even a Princess Fritter. So it's...it's just not easy. That doesn't mean I'm giving up. It's just that it's a harder prospect than people make it sound, sometimes.
How did you know what you wanted? Did you have to try a lot of things to figure it out, or did you just...know, somehow?
no subject
I didn't have them, either, before I was here. Well, I sort of had Mako, but not in the same way. And you have me!!! I'm not going to let you give up.
I tried a bunch of stuff. Back home I wanted to be a pop star! But I don't think I really wanted that. In Deerington, I tried to improve the town but boy people didn't want that. So I tried to make a safehouse for people. That went over pretty well, but it wasn't really, you know, my thing. I tried to figure out how to make a government for us Sleepers to keep us all aligned and safe, and that... was a bad idea, too!
Then when I got here, Fritter helped me find the Raccoon Room, and then I did just kind of know. But I don't think that would have happened without everything else.
I think trying things is great! Then you know what you like and what you don't like. And now, you can try bartending and see how that treats you!
no subject
I like...animals, I think. I used to have a horse when I was a girl. And I'm used to sheep.
[...]
I sent you that riddle because I'm in the Archives trying to study to be a witch. And I got sick of studying, so I found the riddle book instead. So...I could try to be a witch, I suppose.
I do like bartending, I know that much. It's fun. And it's nice to have the right skills to be good at something.
no subject
A witch is a great idea! Can you do magic? Boy I wish I could do magic. If I could do magic I would want to be some kind of witch or magician or something!
You know my buddies Chuck and Raleigh have a farm. All sorts of animals! Mostly chickens. If you want some animal buddies you could go out there! My favorite one is Badger. She's perfect and I love her.
[ Badger is, in fact, a chick ]