[Guilt and regret are rolling off of Ryan in waves, and and even a little self-loathing.]
No, even on Earth usually when you say someone told you a person is their boyfriend, they're usually aware of that and don't freak out. I should have said something...
[Carefully, Ryan sits up so he doesn't knock Tomo and Fritter over. Tomo sadly slides off of Ryan's head and immediately goes to curl up with Fritter, letting out many little distraught squeaks.]
I dunno. [Ryan sighs, looking up and away from Wu.] Probably...somewhere small and quiet he can hide, away from people. He's probably curled up there thinking about the horrible mistake he made throwing away his university education to be in a band with a creep like me.
He wasn't thinking anything like that! I swear, Ryan. For some reason I could hear this thoughts, like really, really well. I-- sort of can hear yours too, buddy.
[ Even though, it's just fainter, like the effect, whatever it was, is wearing off. ]
He wasn't creeped out. I think he was just, just confused. And embarrassed, and kind of jealous? I don't know him as well as you do, but if he did all that for you you liking him can't be that bad, right? It just means, means that you like him!
[ Even as he says it, the words fall flat. Isn't this the exact same thing he was worried about with Mako a year ago? Ryan can feel that Wu doesn't fully believe his words ]
And there's, there's a school here. [ As if that's the same thing at all ]
Wu, we're palebloods. That happens a lot with us. Plus I project my thoughts out by accident a ton.
[Except, if Min could hear Wu's thoughts...]
...I didn't think Min would be paleblood too. Honestly, kinda assumed he'd be coldblooded because it would match us with you and Mako?
[Which is a dumb reason, he thinks, but they're already so alike as it is. It made sense in his head.]
It's...complicated. It's not bad, it's just. Dangerous, where we're from. And like, not just in the usual way where people are jerks, though that happens too. I don't think I've told you because it's kiiind of heavy but. In the world we're from...people like us are getting really sick, and dying. I don't think that can happen here! But he just got here, so...there's reasons he might not want to deal with it.
[Deal with him specifically, is what he means. Ryan's clean, but it's a lot for Min to process all at once. There are definitely people who would walk away from a band over less.
But he remembers something Wu said and quirks an eyebrow.]
No, I... didn't know that. They're dying? Why? [ Maybe he shouldn't ask. Ryan volunteered this information, and Wu knows how precious that is. He frowns and reaches over for him again, gripping his arm ] That-- you don't have to talk about it. But that's awful, I guess... I guess that is more to worry about.
I think he's jealous of me. Because you're my best friend. I think he thinks I'm replacing him? But of course I can't be! I can't be, because you love him so much. But maybe he doesn't know that.
From everything you've told me, he's a great guy! He's probably just freaked out by the, the squid thing. He'll come around to it. [ Right? Wu has to believe that. He can't believe that his own happiness could be at the detriment of someone else's. That's what he vowed to fight against, back home. And even if it's on this micro of a level ]
[Ryan did volunteer it, and unlike at The Red he's not squirming to avoid saying it either. There's still a little compulsion there, but it's something he's sharing anyway. He puts his hand on Wu's, grateful for the out, but he still answers.]
I don't think anyone's really sure? It screws up people's immune systems really bad, and makes it so they can get sick super easy. Most of the people who get it don't make it - it's basically a death sentence. And most of the people who do get it are...well. Gay guys. A lot of people call it "gay flu" or "gay cancer".
[He rolls his eyes at that though. Like, come on. That's just mean.]
But yeah! Min worries. That's what Min does. He's probably worried about that, worried about the squid thing, worried about...I dunno, the fact that I rushed into something again on him? And...I guess, worried that I replaced him.
[He hadn't really been thinking of it like that at all, but now that the thought is there...well. He can see how that might have happened. It doesn't make him feel great, but he can see it.
He sighs, and reaches in the bag for one of the nikuman before they get cold.]
You really think he'll come around?
[Honestly, Ryan kind of knows Wu can't really know for now, but the reassurance sounds nice right about now.]
That's so scary. [ He can't really imagine it, being that kind of afraid. It's is different, from the prejudice back home, and Wu can see Ryan's worries. He knows that Mako probably wouldn't take a risk like that, either. ] But... yeah. I don't think we can get sick like that, here. Everything says that Sleepers are immune to normal illnesses, we only get the weird blood ones, now.
[ Which isn't entirely reassuring, but it's what they have to cling to. ]
But you didn't bring him here! You've been here for so long, Ryan. You didn't choose for him to come here! Maybe, maybe you wanted him to, but we have no idea if that means anything for him actually being here.
And you didn't replace him. Of course you didn't! Our friendship is completely different, right? Because, because Min-Gi isn't like me, or you, right? We're friends because we have so much in common! But that's a different kind of friendship than you have with him. [ Crush not withstanding here ] I'll do my best to convince him of that, okay? I won't, I don't want to get between you two! And, anyway, I have a wedding to plan.
[ None of that really has to do with their friendship, but Wu does have that small inkling of fear, too. He doesn't want to be replaced, either. He loves his friendship with Ryan, cherishes it. He doesn't know what his experience in Trench would have been like without him. ]
I do. I really do think he'll come around to it. I mean... we don't know if you even can leave? I know some people have, but they, they finished, didn't they? They got what they needed. [ At least, that's what Wu tells himself ] I don't think Min-Gi can have gotten what he needed after an hour here! Right?
[Ryan sincerely loves their friendship, and it really is a comfort to hear all of this from someone, even if there are parts he doesn't entirely believe. Just having someone to say them helps.]
Totally! What we have is like-- it's a totally different level. I've never had a friend like you before that was super like me. It, uh. It makes things...clearer with Min, I think?
[He flushes a little at that. It's something he's thought about a lot in Trench, how things he always thought were close friendship are things Wu has with Mako, and not things Ryan has with him. It's never made him jealous though, it was just a quiet realization of everything his ex-girlfriends rolled their eyes about.]
...I don't know. When he gets scared or overwhelmed he tends to...you know. Run? It's why my solo tour was solo - I sprang it on him with a week's notice and it was too much for him. And...I assumed that meant no forever and took off.
[He's calm when he says it - they've worked through it thanks to the train and they were finally on tour together, but there's still definitely fear underneath it that this was too much all at once, that it might be the final straw for Min.]
[ Even if he has no idea if Min-Gi feels the same way. Probably, by how he reacted to Wu saying they were boyfriends, but you never know ]
Okay... so maybe he needs some time. But, this place is pretty scary. Do you think we could find him, but then, like, not make him do anything? Just to make sure he's okay?
[ Because even with his own twinge of jealousy, having someone, anyone, out in Trench, alone and powerless-- it's terrifying. He doesn't want anything bad to happen to him for Min-Gi's own sake, and for Ryan's, too. ]
[They sit with that uncomfortable uncertainty for a moment or so. Despite what he said, Ryan isn't feeling it either. The image that crosses is mind is less of an image and more the feeling of someone grabbing him from behind off the street months ago.]
Sooooo, uh. Did you see what way he went?
[Because they should absolutely go find him immediately.]
Wu pushes himself up immediately, feeling the urgency coming off of Ryan in waves. He points in the direction Min-Gi left in and starts off. Fritter chitters and springs up to leap to his shoulder ]
We, we can find him. Nothing's going to happen to him!
[ He can't promise that, but he's going to anyway ]
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No, even on Earth usually when you say someone told you a person is their boyfriend, they're usually aware of that and don't freak out. I should have said something...
[Carefully, Ryan sits up so he doesn't knock Tomo and Fritter over. Tomo sadly slides off of Ryan's head and immediately goes to curl up with Fritter, letting out many little distraught squeaks.]
I dunno. [Ryan sighs, looking up and away from Wu.] Probably...somewhere small and quiet he can hide, away from people. He's probably curled up there thinking about the horrible mistake he made throwing away his university education to be in a band with a creep like me.
[UghhhhHHHHHhhHhHHhH.]
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[ Even though, it's just fainter, like the effect, whatever it was, is wearing off. ]
He wasn't creeped out. I think he was just, just confused. And embarrassed, and kind of jealous? I don't know him as well as you do, but if he did all that for you you liking him can't be that bad, right? It just means, means that you like him!
[ Even as he says it, the words fall flat. Isn't this the exact same thing he was worried about with Mako a year ago? Ryan can feel that Wu doesn't fully believe his words ]
And there's, there's a school here. [ As if that's the same thing at all ]
cw: AIDS
[Except, if Min could hear Wu's thoughts...]
...I didn't think Min would be paleblood too. Honestly, kinda assumed he'd be coldblooded because it would match us with you and Mako?
[Which is a dumb reason, he thinks, but they're already so alike as it is. It made sense in his head.]
It's...complicated. It's not bad, it's just. Dangerous, where we're from. And like, not just in the usual way where people are jerks, though that happens too. I don't think I've told you because it's kiiind of heavy but. In the world we're from...people like us are getting really sick, and dying. I don't think that can happen here! But he just got here, so...there's reasons he might not want to deal with it.
[Deal with him specifically, is what he means. Ryan's clean, but it's a lot for Min to process all at once. There are definitely people who would walk away from a band over less.
But he remembers something Wu said and quirks an eyebrow.]
...Wait. Jealous of what? Could you tell?
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I think he's jealous of me. Because you're my best friend. I think he thinks I'm replacing him? But of course I can't be! I can't be, because you love him so much. But maybe he doesn't know that.
From everything you've told me, he's a great guy! He's probably just freaked out by the, the squid thing. He'll come around to it. [ Right? Wu has to believe that. He can't believe that his own happiness could be at the detriment of someone else's. That's what he vowed to fight against, back home. And even if it's on this micro of a level ]
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I don't think anyone's really sure? It screws up people's immune systems really bad, and makes it so they can get sick super easy. Most of the people who get it don't make it - it's basically a death sentence. And most of the people who do get it are...well. Gay guys. A lot of people call it "gay flu" or "gay cancer".
[He rolls his eyes at that though. Like, come on. That's just mean.]
But yeah! Min worries. That's what Min does. He's probably worried about that, worried about the squid thing, worried about...I dunno, the fact that I rushed into something again on him? And...I guess, worried that I replaced him.
[He hadn't really been thinking of it like that at all, but now that the thought is there...well. He can see how that might have happened. It doesn't make him feel great, but he can see it.
He sighs, and reaches in the bag for one of the nikuman before they get cold.]
You really think he'll come around?
[Honestly, Ryan kind of knows Wu can't really know for now, but the reassurance sounds nice right about now.]
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[ Which isn't entirely reassuring, but it's what they have to cling to. ]
But you didn't bring him here! You've been here for so long, Ryan. You didn't choose for him to come here! Maybe, maybe you wanted him to, but we have no idea if that means anything for him actually being here.
And you didn't replace him. Of course you didn't! Our friendship is completely different, right? Because, because Min-Gi isn't like me, or you, right? We're friends because we have so much in common! But that's a different kind of friendship than you have with him. [ Crush not withstanding here ] I'll do my best to convince him of that, okay? I won't, I don't want to get between you two! And, anyway, I have a wedding to plan.
[ None of that really has to do with their friendship, but Wu does have that small inkling of fear, too. He doesn't want to be replaced, either. He loves his friendship with Ryan, cherishes it. He doesn't know what his experience in Trench would have been like without him. ]
I do. I really do think he'll come around to it. I mean... we don't know if you even can leave? I know some people have, but they, they finished, didn't they? They got what they needed. [ At least, that's what Wu tells himself ] I don't think Min-Gi can have gotten what he needed after an hour here! Right?
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Totally! What we have is like-- it's a totally different level. I've never had a friend like you before that was super like me. It, uh. It makes things...clearer with Min, I think?
[He flushes a little at that. It's something he's thought about a lot in Trench, how things he always thought were close friendship are things Wu has with Mako, and not things Ryan has with him. It's never made him jealous though, it was just a quiet realization of everything his ex-girlfriends rolled their eyes about.]
...I don't know. When he gets scared or overwhelmed he tends to...you know. Run? It's why my solo tour was solo - I sprang it on him with a week's notice and it was too much for him. And...I assumed that meant no forever and took off.
[He's calm when he says it - they've worked through it thanks to the train and they were finally on tour together, but there's still definitely fear underneath it that this was too much all at once, that it might be the final straw for Min.]
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[ Even if he has no idea if Min-Gi feels the same way. Probably, by how he reacted to Wu saying they were boyfriends, but you never know ]
Okay... so maybe he needs some time. But, this place is pretty scary. Do you think we could find him, but then, like, not make him do anything? Just to make sure he's okay?
[ Because even with his own twinge of jealousy, having someone, anyone, out in Trench, alone and powerless-- it's terrifying. He doesn't want anything bad to happen to him for Min-Gi's own sake, and for Ryan's, too. ]
no subject
[Not everything in Trench is warm fires and nikuman, after all. (Though, the nikuman is pretty good. He finished his bun and everything.)]
I don't think he could have gotten far? He's still kind of wobbly, from the whole squid thing. Plus I still have most of his stuff.
[He holds up Min's welcome bag and gently shakes it for emphasis. Min will have to come back for his things, right? ....Right?]
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I... you know him. If you think we should leave him alone, we can.
[ But he has an image flash in his mind of monsters coming up on Min-Gi and eating him. He swallows his bun with an audible gulp ]
Yeah, he... he'll come back.
[ He doesn't sound convinced at all ]
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[They sit with that uncomfortable uncertainty for a moment or so. Despite what he said, Ryan isn't feeling it either. The image that crosses is mind is less of an image and more the feeling of someone grabbing him from behind off the street months ago.]
Sooooo, uh. Did you see what way he went?
[Because they should absolutely go find him immediately.]
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Wu pushes himself up immediately, feeling the urgency coming off of Ryan in waves. He points in the direction Min-Gi left in and starts off. Fritter chitters and springs up to leap to his shoulder ]
We, we can find him. Nothing's going to happen to him!
[ He can't promise that, but he's going to anyway ]