[He's actually having to fight himself to keep from just grabbing that bread and starting to stuff it into his mouth. Now that he's eaten something, it's like the hunger can't be ignored any more, a gnawing pit in his stomach that feels as if it's hollowing him out.
The question is hardly unexpected, he's not so lacking in self awareness that he doesn't know how he looks right now. But he finds his usual deflections don't trip as easily off the tongue. Perhaps it's just how exhausted he is, but maybe... maybe he does want to talk. A little. Maybe.]
I had a fight with-- [Steve.] --someone. He put himself in danger and I had to go and pull him out of it.
[What the hell is a crococat? He might have asked, and asked if Wu had also gone through with it given how he responds, but the final question is what arrests him and makes him scowl deeper.]
No.
[And then a little softer.]
I lost the second he drank the tea. What came after, that was just a punch, nothing really.
[ Wu nods, looking down at the bread as he slices it. ]
Yeah, it... that happened to me, too. I forgot who I am. I forgot being here. I don't, I don't know if I would have fought anyone about it, but it wasn't pleasant, to say the least.
[The actual audible mention of forgetting makes him flinch visible, makes a slight whirring noise issue from beneath his left sleeve as the plates in his arm shift. His words come even quieter, as if he doesn't really register what he's saying, eyes fixed on the middle distance.]
I had to follow him in there, but he knew-- he had to know that I would. He knew that I'd forget, and he went in anyway.
[ Wu isn't quite sure how to respond to that, and concentrates instead on making the sandwiches, one for himself and one for James. He knows enough not to comment on the arm, Shiro has a similar hang up about his. ]
Well. He seems like not a very considerate friend.
[That's... actually exactly the right thing to say. Bucky's been torn on whether it's fair for him to have been as angry at Steve as he was, whether it was right to think he was being an inconsiderate jackass. It snaps him a bit out of it, and he blinks up at Wu with a small ease in the tension of his expression.]
...sorry, ain't like it's something you should have to hear about.
[ Wu flashes him another small smile and pushes a plate with a tofu sandwich on it into his hands. He has his own sandwich. This was not a purely selfless task. ]
I don't mind. Honestly, it's nice to know I'm not the only one with problems. My friends like to keep things close to the chest. I think it's good to share what's going on, especially in a place as awful as this!
[ He punctuates the sentence by taking a neat bite of his sandwich ]
He doesn't think he's ever tried tofu before, but he's truly none too picky about what he puts in his mouth. As long as it's somewhat safe for consumption then he's happy, and this is getting inhaled just as quickly as the last thing Wu gave him.]
Yeah? What are your problems?
[Might be a bit of a blunt question, but Bucky isn't exactly known for his tact these days, and he'd rather put the focus back on someone else for a while.]
[He's actually being asked? Wu blinks, looking up from his sandwich, a bit astounded that James already ate his. ]
Oh, ah. Well, being stuck here is a big one! Not knowing if I'm going to wake up here in the morning, or if my friends are. If any of them went home, that would be pretty awful, particularly for the ones who are, ah, dead.
[ Like Chuck. He doesn't want to lose Chuck at all ]
Last month, my boyfriend thought that he was from a different world and that I was going to be hurt by anyone and everyone and kept me shut in this house for three days. That, ah, that was awful. And there's the problem that I'm completely unequipped to defend myself in this place. Everyone else is so powerful and I'm just-- me.
[ Well he probably shouldn't say that part to a near stranger. He swallows, gaze skittering away from James. The nerves just make him talk more: ]
And then there are all the problems back home! My advisors are so stifling. I'm trying to turn my country into a democracy and it's going so poorly! There was a man who brainwashed a bunch of people into voting for him! That's not a democracy! And there are other Earth Empire people who still want to kill me! And people like Grandma Yin who are so mad at me for wanting to abdicate!
[ He sighs, dropping his head. That one still stings. ]
He's so used to deflecting when people ask about his own problems or, if he truly has to answer, then giving the bare minimum information, that it takes him completely by surprise when Wu just tells him. Just like that. As if he isn't scared about laying bare all of his vulnerabilities, as if he doesn't worry that Bucky will use them against him.
It's kind of humbling, and there's a tiny spark of jealousy for how easy it seems. What must it be like to not have to hide all the pieces of yourself so carefully? He's quiet as Wu talks, giving him the full focus of his attention as he lists the problems plaguing him, and-- wow, this guy really is a good person, isn't he? To have all that power, to be a ruler, and still try and step down from that privilege for the betterment of the people? That's not something just anyone would do.]
Sounds like your grandma is an idiot. What you're doing is damn brave, and she oughta be cheering you on.
[There's no solution he can offer to that problem, it's so far out of his remit that it's hilarious, but he can at least give that honest opinion.]
As for here-- why don't you learn to defend yourself? It might not help, but it can't hurt.
[ Like that's the important thing here. It still stings though. He loves Grandma Yin, he just wishes her love wasn't conditional on him continuing to be the King. ]
Ah, thank you. I'm trying. It's just that my Auntie made a huge mess of the Kingdom, then the Red Lotus went and started an anarchist coup--
[ He cuts himself off. He shouldn't get started on that. He's still annoyed, angry, scared by what Zaheer and the rest of the Red Lotus did. What were they trying to accomplish? That's one thing he agrees with Kuvira on: there must be some sort of order, it just depends on what. ]
I am learning, I'm just, ah, not very good? Raleigh's been teaching me. I'm decent at dodging, at least. And running, now.
[ It's tough when you start from zero. ]
Oh, boy, I sure did just lay all of that one you. [ He laughs nervously ] I guess it was just all in there, had to get out. This place is bad for the nerves!
[He cuts off any apology right away. He might not have expected Wu to lay it all open like that, but he's not sorry that it happened.]
Not sure I understand it all, I don't know what the Red Lotus is and I've sure as hell never had to abdicate a throne, but-- it's a brave thing in itself, to be able to talk so openly like that.
[He sure as hell can't, and the awkward set of his shoulders probably says as much.]
[ Wu notices that, notices that James isn't upset at all by this. It's an old fear, that his incessant talking will drive people off, but it rears up, with new people.
He taps his fingers on the counter. ]
I-- if you're sure. Honestly, I've thought a lot about it, here. Learned a lot more about democracies. Are you, ah, from Earth?
[ Maybe he said, but Wu can't recall. So many people are, from some version or another. Him, Mako, and Korra are the odd ones out, there. ]
[It's a hell of a lot easier to focus on someone else's problems, at least for a while, than it is to dwell on his own.]
Yeah, Earth.
[As for democracies... that could be a bit of a minefield. He's definitely helped topple some, slaughter others, but that's probably not helpful right now. Or ever.]
I don't know a whole lot about being in a leadership position, though. Democracy or not.
But there are a lot more democracies on Earth than where I'm from. There's just one, in the United Republic. Everywhere else, it's monarchies. My family have ruled for thousands of years in the Earth Kingdom, but I'm the only one left, and I don't think it's a good idea anymore! Why shouldn't the people have a say? Why should my family take their money for taxes when we don't really give them anything back?
And, honestly, I don't really want to be King, anyway. It's really boring.
[ That's certainly not the full reason, and Wu hunches his shoulders, uncomfortable with the whole thing. ]
What I'm saying is, I've read a lot about democracies while I've been here. They seem to work some of the time, and I feel like I've learned a lot about how to make them more successful. But I don't know if I'll remember that when I go home? If I go home.
Do you want to go home?
[ For someone who likes attention, he can't have it on him for too long, not for things so personal as his problems. Yes, he'll share, but that doesn't mean he can share without feeling incredibly uncomfortable about the whole thing. ]
[His respect for Wu has been rising steadily ever since they got off on the wrong foot when they first met, and it takes another sharp leap upwards then. It's not many people who would turn down a life of luxury and power, especially not when most people seemed opposed to even trying to help create a better system. Not many who would do the research, who would really put in the effort.
He has no idea if the dream of democracy will work in the-- Earth Kingdom?-- but he hopes that it will. Hopes that these ideas will come to fruition. It would be nice to think of good things happening elsewhere, like this place hadn't been all terrible.
And then the spotlight suddenly refocuses on him, and the tension ratchets back into his shoulders. There's a long silence before his replies; his instinct is to lie or deflect, but he feels that Wu has probably earned a little truth in return. It would be wrong, somehow, to take the vulnerabilities he's been given and repay them with nothing.]
I don't know. It's safer here, but I have things I have to do there.
You aren't the first person I've met here who feels that way-- [ Louis did too, had been to another world worse than this one, whose home was worse. Who's back there now, trying to survive. ]
My home is definitely safer than here. Even with the war and everything. That's mostly over, now.
[It's good that Wu feels his home is safer. The guy is a nice person, if a bit optimistically naive about things, and he deserves to have somewhere secure to return to. Or as secure as a dissolving monarchy can make a nation, anyway.
The question makes him pause for a moment because-- it's complicated, and hard to articulate even to himself.]
It's-- not exactly a specific task.
[He needs to work out if he still fits somewhere in that world, if he can become more than what they made him. He needs to help dismantle HYDRA for what they did to him, and he needs to figure out if he can ever talk to Steve "stupidly never protects himself" Rogers again.]
But I made a promise to someone a long time ago that I wouldn't abandon him. [Running off and hiding for years doesn't count, as long as he's still alive somewhere in the world.] I can't hide from that forever.
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The question is hardly unexpected, he's not so lacking in self awareness that he doesn't know how he looks right now. But he finds his usual deflections don't trip as easily off the tongue. Perhaps it's just how exhausted he is, but maybe... maybe he does want to talk. A little. Maybe.]
I had a fight with-- [Steve.] --someone. He put himself in danger and I had to go and pull him out of it.
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He nods as James speaks, even as he wanders over to the fridge, pulling out things for a tofu sandwich. ]
And he fought you because of that? That's rude. It sounds like you were trying to help.
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[He looks forbidding, and like he would do it the hell again if Steve appeared in front of him right now.]
He shouldn't have drunk that damn tea in the first place.
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[ Wu wrinkles his nose. He ended up going through that loop too many times. ]
None of us should have. Curiosity killed the crococat, and all that.
[ He sighs, slicing into the fresh bread ]
Did you win at least?
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No.
[And then a little softer.]
I lost the second he drank the tea. What came after, that was just a punch, nothing really.
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Yeah, it... that happened to me, too. I forgot who I am. I forgot being here. I don't, I don't know if I would have fought anyone about it, but it wasn't pleasant, to say the least.
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I had to follow him in there, but he knew-- he had to know that I would. He knew that I'd forget, and he went in anyway.
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Well. He seems like not a very considerate friend.
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...sorry, ain't like it's something you should have to hear about.
[He appreciates it, though.]
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[ Wu flashes him another small smile and pushes a plate with a tofu sandwich on it into his hands. He has his own sandwich. This was not a purely selfless task. ]
I don't mind. Honestly, it's nice to know I'm not the only one with problems. My friends like to keep things close to the chest. I think it's good to share what's going on, especially in a place as awful as this!
[ He punctuates the sentence by taking a neat bite of his sandwich ]
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He doesn't think he's ever tried tofu before, but he's truly none too picky about what he puts in his mouth. As long as it's somewhat safe for consumption then he's happy, and this is getting inhaled just as quickly as the last thing Wu gave him.]
Yeah? What are your problems?
[Might be a bit of a blunt question, but Bucky isn't exactly known for his tact these days, and he'd rather put the focus back on someone else for a while.]
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Oh, ah. Well, being stuck here is a big one! Not knowing if I'm going to wake up here in the morning, or if my friends are. If any of them went home, that would be pretty awful, particularly for the ones who are, ah, dead.
[ Like Chuck. He doesn't want to lose Chuck at all ]
Last month, my boyfriend thought that he was from a different world and that I was going to be hurt by anyone and everyone and kept me shut in this house for three days. That, ah, that was awful. And there's the problem that I'm completely unequipped to defend myself in this place. Everyone else is so powerful and I'm just-- me.
[ Well he probably shouldn't say that part to a near stranger. He swallows, gaze skittering away from James. The nerves just make him talk more: ]
And then there are all the problems back home! My advisors are so stifling. I'm trying to turn my country into a democracy and it's going so poorly! There was a man who brainwashed a bunch of people into voting for him! That's not a democracy! And there are other Earth Empire people who still want to kill me! And people like Grandma Yin who are so mad at me for wanting to abdicate!
[ He sighs, dropping his head. That one still stings. ]
She booed me. Booed me! In front of everyone!
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He's so used to deflecting when people ask about his own problems or, if he truly has to answer, then giving the bare minimum information, that it takes him completely by surprise when Wu just tells him. Just like that. As if he isn't scared about laying bare all of his vulnerabilities, as if he doesn't worry that Bucky will use them against him.
It's kind of humbling, and there's a tiny spark of jealousy for how easy it seems. What must it be like to not have to hide all the pieces of yourself so carefully? He's quiet as Wu talks, giving him the full focus of his attention as he lists the problems plaguing him, and-- wow, this guy really is a good person, isn't he? To have all that power, to be a ruler, and still try and step down from that privilege for the betterment of the people? That's not something just anyone would do.]
Sounds like your grandma is an idiot. What you're doing is damn brave, and she oughta be cheering you on.
[There's no solution he can offer to that problem, it's so far out of his remit that it's hilarious, but he can at least give that honest opinion.]
As for here-- why don't you learn to defend yourself? It might not help, but it can't hurt.
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[ Like that's the important thing here. It still stings though. He loves Grandma Yin, he just wishes her love wasn't conditional on him continuing to be the King. ]
Ah, thank you. I'm trying. It's just that my Auntie made a huge mess of the Kingdom, then the Red Lotus went and started an anarchist coup--
[ He cuts himself off. He shouldn't get started on that. He's still annoyed, angry, scared by what Zaheer and the rest of the Red Lotus did. What were they trying to accomplish? That's one thing he agrees with Kuvira on: there must be some sort of order, it just depends on what. ]
I am learning, I'm just, ah, not very good? Raleigh's been teaching me. I'm decent at dodging, at least. And running, now.
[ It's tough when you start from zero. ]
Oh, boy, I sure did just lay all of that one you. [ He laughs nervously ] I guess it was just all in there, had to get out. This place is bad for the nerves!
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[He cuts off any apology right away. He might not have expected Wu to lay it all open like that, but he's not sorry that it happened.]
Not sure I understand it all, I don't know what the Red Lotus is and I've sure as hell never had to abdicate a throne, but-- it's a brave thing in itself, to be able to talk so openly like that.
[He sure as hell can't, and the awkward set of his shoulders probably says as much.]
If it helps, I'm glad to listen.
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He taps his fingers on the counter. ]
I-- if you're sure. Honestly, I've thought a lot about it, here. Learned a lot more about democracies. Are you, ah, from Earth?
[ Maybe he said, but Wu can't recall. So many people are, from some version or another. Him, Mako, and Korra are the odd ones out, there. ]
no subject
Yeah, Earth.
[As for democracies... that could be a bit of a minefield. He's definitely helped topple some, slaughter others, but that's probably not helpful right now. Or ever.]
I don't know a whole lot about being in a leadership position, though. Democracy or not.
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[ He laughs weakly, shaking his head ]
But there are a lot more democracies on Earth than where I'm from. There's just one, in the United Republic. Everywhere else, it's monarchies. My family have ruled for thousands of years in the Earth Kingdom, but I'm the only one left, and I don't think it's a good idea anymore! Why shouldn't the people have a say? Why should my family take their money for taxes when we don't really give them anything back?
And, honestly, I don't really want to be King, anyway. It's really boring.
[ That's certainly not the full reason, and Wu hunches his shoulders, uncomfortable with the whole thing. ]
What I'm saying is, I've read a lot about democracies while I've been here. They seem to work some of the time, and I feel like I've learned a lot about how to make them more successful. But I don't know if I'll remember that when I go home? If I go home.
Do you want to go home?
[ For someone who likes attention, he can't have it on him for too long, not for things so personal as his problems. Yes, he'll share, but that doesn't mean he can share without feeling incredibly uncomfortable about the whole thing. ]
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He has no idea if the dream of democracy will work in the-- Earth Kingdom?-- but he hopes that it will. Hopes that these ideas will come to fruition. It would be nice to think of good things happening elsewhere, like this place hadn't been all terrible.
And then the spotlight suddenly refocuses on him, and the tension ratchets back into his shoulders. There's a long silence before his replies; his instinct is to lie or deflect, but he feels that Wu has probably earned a little truth in return. It would be wrong, somehow, to take the vulnerabilities he's been given and repay them with nothing.]
I don't know. It's safer here, but I have things I have to do there.
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[ Wu glances over at him with a small frown. ]
You aren't the first person I've met here who feels that way-- [ Louis did too, had been to another world worse than this one, whose home was worse. Who's back there now, trying to survive. ]
My home is definitely safer than here. Even with the war and everything. That's mostly over, now.
[ He hesitates for a moment before asking: ]
What do you need to do?
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The question makes him pause for a moment because-- it's complicated, and hard to articulate even to himself.]
It's-- not exactly a specific task.
[He needs to work out if he still fits somewhere in that world, if he can become more than what they made him. He needs to help dismantle HYDRA for what they did to him, and he needs to figure out if he can ever talk to Steve "stupidly never protects himself" Rogers again.]
But I made a promise to someone a long time ago that I wouldn't abandon him. [Running off and hiding for years doesn't count, as long as he's still alive somewhere in the world.] I can't hide from that forever.